When I first began my practice, I had a difficult time promoting myself as a “healer”. The reason being, I fully believe that everyone has the innate power within to heal themselves, of their toxic emotions, beliefs, thought patterns, and, many times, their physical manifestations of illness. I just happen to have the knowledge to help activate their “inner healer” through Acupuncture, Reiki, other modalities, and the strong guidance of my intuition and heart-centered connection. Nowadays, I do use the word “healer” to describe myself, mainly to keep things simple. But, I always remind my patients, when they come back to me, thanking me for relief of their symptoms, “You’re welcome, but make sure you thank yourself, since you are the one who really did the work!”
And, as healers, we are often perceived as being impervious to all illnesses, negative thoughts forms, and the typical trappings of being human. Not so! Just because a person is a healer does not mean that we do not experience fear, sadness, anger, health challenges, or are saved from going through the energetic muck in order to reach enlightenment, joy, and love. I know many healers who often feel bad for feeling bad, and get upset with themselves for being angry. I don’t have that problem! We all experience similar things, and it’s up to us how we handle them and interact with our world. I know this, which is why I am so grateful to have found meditation and Reiki, both of which I practice every day. I eat mainly organic food, drink herbal infusions and Chinese herbs to nourish and tonify and balance, do interval training and practice my arnis/eskrima/kali, surround myself with positive people and things, and am constantly working on maintaining proper Qi flow in my life, thoughts, actions, and spirit.
So, you can imagine my surprise when I found out last week that I have two large fibroids on my uterus! What??! I’m a healer. How could I not have caught this before they grew so large? Smaller fibroids are treatable with Acupuncture, Herbs, and Reiki, but these two are large – one is the size of a pear, the other the size of a tennis ball. These babies have to be removed by surgery. Interesting choice of words, since the uterus is in the area of the Second Chakra, the energy center that focuses on relationships, emotions, money, femininity, sexuality, pleasure, addictions, and Goddess Consciousness. Soon enough, I became hellbent in understanding the energetic meaning of my fibroids.
According to the Mayo Clinic, as many as 3 out of 4 women have uterine fibroids sometime during their lives, but most are unaware of them because they often cause no symptoms. In my case, they caused sharp pain, hence my visit to my gynecologist who confirmed my large fibroids during ultrasound.
No one really knows what causes fibroids. But, according to WomensHealth.gov, the following factors can increase a woman’s chance of getting fibroids:
- Age. Fibroids become more common as women age, especially during the 30s and 40s through menopause. After menopause, fibroids usually shrink.
- Family history. Having a family member with fibroids increases your risk. If a woman’s mother had fibroids, her risk of having them is about three times higher than average. I found out soon after I got my results, that my mother also had fibroids.
- Ethnic origin. African-American women are more likely to develop fibroids than white women.
- Obesity. Women who are overweight are at higher risk for fibroids. For very heavy women, the risk is two to three times greater than average.
- Eating habits. Eating a lot of red meat (e.g., beef) and ham is linked with a higher risk of fibroids. Eating plenty of green vegetables seems to protect women from developing fibroids.
Aside from the fact that I possibly inherited my obviously astounding fibroid-making ability from my genes, I knew it represented something deeper. My awareness of my fibroids came around the time of the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse and the New Moon Solar Eclipse. Talk about strongly releasing that which does not serve you!
Upon further research, I found that fibroids could be energetically seen as a difficulty with “birthing” new ideas, and fibroids can be a physical manifestation of fear or blockage about birthing our new ideas out into the world. Energetically speaking, fibroid tumors can be a tumorization process of old, negative, toxic thoughts, emotions, or feelings that are clumped together and proliferate.
In addition, Caroline Myss, Ph.D., teaches that fibroid tumors represent our creativity that was never birthed. Fibroids can also result when we are flowing life energy into dead ends, such as jobs or relationships that we have outgrown. Fibroids are often associated with conflicts about creativity, reproductions, and relationships. Fibroids can also be seen as anger that your creative energy has been blocked.
After some tears of anger (mostly at myself), I thought hard about the reasons why I cultivated these fibroids, and I looked within deeply during my meditations. I have been so open to my work, within and without, how could this have happened to me? I gave myself space to allow my grief, dismay, and anger. And then I got in touch with my Higher Self, who told me that I was releasing many old relationship issues, and some blockage of birthing my new ideas into this world. And, frankly, some of this energy felt really old, like, probably left over from a past life kind of old.
Once I discovered this, I realized how wonderful my body is – instead of creating a malignant cancerous tumor to indicate to me all of this toxicity I had created, my body instead chose to consolidate all of my old stuff that no longer serves me into these pockets that are ready to be snipped away. When people strongly release, it comes in many forms. I believe that in my case, there’s a part of me that wanted “physical evidence” of my release. And, that’s what my body produced. Although I’m not crazy about having surgery, I am thankful to my body for alerting me to bringing attention where it’s due in a non-malignant way, so that I can address it more fruitfully. And, luckily, my two large fibroids are exophytic leiomyomas, which essentially means they’re on the outside of the uterus, and are, thus, more easily removable (vs. an intramural leiomyoma, which is within the lining of the uterus, or a submucosal leiomyoma, which is within the uterine cavity.)
At first, I was hesitant about sharing this experience on this blog for various reasons. But, I soon learned that I have been given a gift – to be in greater touch with myself, and, although I don’t know how yet, it’ll help me serve even better as a practitioner. And I’m sharing my story with you because if I am just 1 of the 3 out of 4 women out there effected by fibroids, there are at least several others who can benefit by knowing that they are not alone. Most of the time fibroids are small enough to be asymptomatic and not cause any problems. But, sometimes they require surgery, such as in my case. I am already keeping my body healthy and strong with Reiki, herbs, infusions, and possibly, Acupuncture, in preparation for surgery, which will be either via laparoscopy, through a small incision near my navel, which would be ideal for shorter recovery time, or abdominal, which could take a few weeks to fully heal. Either way, I intend to have a speedy and complete recovery, with a mended 2nd chakra that’s ready to birth ideas fully, completely, wonderfully, fiercely, fabulously, and with ease! Needless to say, my 2nd chakra’s getting a lot of love nowadays with rose quartz, Reiki, flaxseed meal, nourishing herbal infusions, Chinese herbs, healthy eats, an increased awareness, and lots of self care.
Have you been experiencing any difficulty in birthing your ideas? If so, what are they?
As always, I’d love to hear what you have to say, so please leave me a comment, below.
Ready to birth new ideas with full creativity, and in honor of Goddess Consciousness,